July and August

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Netflix’s Tales of the City is the first adaptation not based on any of the books and I don’t know what to do with that. It’s not as if you televise Bleak House and then come up with entirely new storylines.

#BH90210 takes a show whose strength was its sincerity and makes it a collection of in-jokes.

Having seen the extended Hateful Eight on Netflix and Once Upon a Time in Hollywood at the movies, I can say with certainty that Tarantino’s future lies in series television.

The tone of GLOW is what TV dramedies have been striving for since Hill Street Blues but seldom achieved.

If their commercials are to be believed, Olive Garden have created a savory Cinnabon, complete with jizz sauce.

Viewers who use the “Skip Intro” button on Netflix should immediately have their subscriptions cancelled.

I have no interest in Brodie Jenner but if you put a Rottweiler fetching a ball for a man in a bath on my TV screen, I’m going to watch it.

Bachelor in Paradise should be renamed The Chris Harrison Bodily Assault Seminar Hour.

Andy Cohen reproaching Titus Burgess for working with Eddie Murphy is a little rich for someone who makes his money off some of the most homophobic women on television.

Kumail Nanjiani’s no-show on Conan within months of retooling is a sharp reminder why the late-night talk format has remained so static since the fifties.

Marrying Millions is 90-Day Fiance minus money problems, which is to say nothing.

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Martin Scorsese is just going to have to accept that he made a miniseries.

It’s hard to imagine a world where both Star Trek and Star Wars are exclusively television properties.

Whomever is writing those DVR show descriptions for U-Verse really dislikes late 80s action movies.

I would not be surprised if The Family Chantel was revealed to be a reality reboot of 3rd Rock from the Sun.

What if El Camino was a prequel to Gran Torino and ends with Jesse hiding out in a Korean community?

In July, I performed in an immersive theatre version of Carnival Row, which doesn’t premiere until August 30. I can now say on my resume that I was in the original cast of an Amazon Prime Series.

This season of Married at First Sight answers the burning question of what happens when a man marries himself in drag.

I have no idea how Dora the Explorer holds up as a feature film as my 2-year-old son only stayed in the theater for the length of one episode.

The final seasons of Elementary and Game of Thrones were both sorely lacking Natalie Dormer.

The second One Day at a Time returns to broadcast television just in time for the second Nixon’s impeachment proceedings.

I have no idea how Dora the Explorer holds up as a feature film as my 2-year-old son only stayed in the theater for the length of one episode.

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With Downton Abbey and The Walking Dead heading to theaters, it seems there’s no longer such a thing as a TV movie.

Marc Maron taking to Conan to question the host’s impact on podcasting sort of undermines his point.

Someone should make Damon Herriman Charles Manson for life.

Good Morning America ballet-shaming Prince George is a waste of good Royal-bashing.

90 Day Fiance: The Other Day is basically a nature documentary about stray animals.

The Real Housewives of Orange County has reached that point in the franchise where it feels like its own spin-off.

Today’s HBO doesn’t let a show go beyond three seasons unless it is truly terrible.

The news that Transparent will end with a musical should reassure those viewers who were worried the show would go off the rails after losing Jeffrey Tambor.

Pennyworth is the latest in a long line of Batman fare to explore the origins of characters whose origins have already been explored.

It’s too much to hope that Grand Hotel will be an adaptation of the 1932 classic based on the acclaimed 1930 play. If I don’t watch it, then it will remain so in my imagination.

By the time you read this post, we’ll be on the other side of the Fantasy Streaming Wars of August 30. I for one welcome our puppet/faery (delete as appropriate) overlords!

Reelz is the fake search engine page of broadcast television.

Kurt Sutter announced he’s standing aside as Mayans M.C. showrunner so a white man doesn’t dictate a story about people of color. Your move, Jenji Kohan.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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